Trygaeus
[1230]
... if propped on three stones. He sits on it. Look, it's admirable.
Armourer
But how can you wipe yourself, idiot?
Trygaeus
with appropriate gestures.
I can put one hand through here, and the other there, and so ...
Armourer
What! do you wipe yourself with both hands?
Trygaeus
Aye, so that I may not be accused of robbing the State, by blocking up an oar-hole in the galley.
Armourer
[1235]
Would you crap in a thunder-mug that cost ten minae?
Trygaeus
Undoubtedly, you rascal. Do you think I would sell my arse for a thousand drachmae?
Armourer
Come, have the money paid over to me.
Trygaeus
No, friend; I find it pinches my bottom. Take it away, I won't buy it.
Maker of War Trumpets
[1240]
What is to be done with this trumpet, for which I gave sixty drachmae the other day?
Trygaeus
Pour lead into the hollow and fit a good, long stick to the top; and you will have a balanced cottabus.
Maker of War Trumpets
[1245]
Don't mock me.
Trygaeus
Well, here's another idea. Pour in lead as I said, add here a dish hung on strings, and you will have a balance for weighing the figs which you give your slaves in the fields.
Helmet Maker
[1250]
Cursed fate! I am ruined. Here are helmets, for which I gave a mina each. What am I to do with them? who will buy them?
Trygaeus
Go and sell them to the Egyptians; they will do for measuring laxatives.
Spear Maker
[1255]
>Ah! poor helmet-maker, things are indeed in a bad way.
Trygaeus
He has no cause for complaint.
Spear Maker
But helmets will be no more used.
Trygaeus
Let him learn to fit a handle to them and he can sell them for more money.
Helmet Maker
[1260]
Let us be off, comrade.
Trygaeus
No, I want to buy these spears.
Spear Maker
What will you give?
Trygaeus
If they could be split in two, I would take them at a drachma per hundred to use as vine-props.
Spear Maker
The insolent dog! Let us go, friend.The munitions-makers all depart.
Trygaeus
As some young boys enter.
[1265]
Ah! here come the guests, young folks from the table to take a pee; I fancy they also want to hum over what they will be singing presently. Hi! child! what do you reckon to sing? Stand there and give me the opening line.